Snickah Thick Kim K. Wannabe

Ever have Mondays where you are soooo lazy and don't even deserve an ounce of it? Like, you didn't do a damn thing all day Sunday except walk two blocks to the coffee shop just to buy a chocolate croissant at 7pm, but still pressed snooze so many times Monday morning that you didn't have time to shower so crack bun strikes again and you had to put your deo in your purse and shamefully put it on in your cube? Anyone? Bueller? Just me? k. awesome.

HOB better not ask me to lunch today. That would be some form of evil karmic retribution I'm positive I've done nothing to deserve.

Guys. I went out on Saturday night. Like put on some tight skinnies, sky-high heels that made me 6'3", a blouse that showed some serious cleev, and red lipstick. I even did the half blouse tuck that is so "in" right now inspired by Sarah at Unexpected Journey. I looked friggin' hott.

I tried to take a selfie for you all, but I'm sooo bad at it. I look like the lord of all the douches when I take them and I have a legit fear of you all looking at a picture I took of myself and thinking, "Who the eff does this chick think she is? She aint no Kim K."

If I looked like this I would not give a shit what you all thought of my selfies. Just sayin'.

Going out was actually fairly successful. Some girls I met through an old friend took me out and it was nice to feel like I had a group of GF's. Staple memories of the evening include:

• Being asked for a hug by a small Spanish speaking man in-line for a...wait for it...strip club. EW.

SN: It appears that the higher the heel I wear and the taller I am, the shorter the man that hits on me. What is with that? Do I look like a friggin' jungle gym to them or something? Weird.

• Being told I was, "Thickah than a snickah". 

If someone knows what this means please feel free to educate me. If it is any reference to how massive my ass has gotten, forget the education. I don't need another reason to sit at home in elastic waist banded pants promising myself tomorrow I'll eat nothing but carrot sticks.

• My gf's car being attacked by a woman dressed as a zombie as we sat innocently (and petrified) inside.

Oh this shit doesn't happen to you guys? Par for the course in this girl's life. Its like weird is drawn to me. Moth to a flame.

I'd say my first nightlife venture here was success AND I just realized I have a frozen pizza in my trunk (normal.) to complete my lazy-ass Monday by not cooking dinner. Fat kid problems? Sounds about right.