Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Peace, Love, & Crack Buns

The topknot might be the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. Seriously. I know that its been around for a while, but I have just recently become even remotely comfortable going out in public with my hair pulled back and I will furthermore refer to the topknot as the Crack Bun. That is what this "do" is to me lately, sweet, sweet hair crack.

I am team Crack Bun for the following reasons:

  1. It allows me to be a disgusting human and still look fashionable. 
See here's the thing. Remember that time I told you I thought I looked like Jennifer Aniston, but we all know that I really looked Ke$ha after brushing her teeth with some GD Jack Daniels and grinding her lady bits on old dudes who look like Mick Jagger?

 Yeah, well, this happens to me often because - if I'm being honest - I will go as long as humanly possible without washing my hair. Why do you enjoy looking like a ball of nast, Megan? You may ask. I don't. I hate looking fug, but I think I hate blow drying my hair more. So if I can get that precious third day of not washing my hair, by george I will take it! Hence my new found obsession with Crack Bun.

    2. It keeps my muthaeffin hair out of my face.

So now that you all know I hate fugness & blow-drying, lets add hair in my face to the list. You know that claustrophobic feeling some people get in big crowds or small spaces? The one that makes you want to scream, flail your limbs recklessly, and murder people until you feel like you have some friggin' space?! Well I get that when my hair falls in my eyes or is all up in my face space. I love having my hair down, but during my work day it inevitably ends up wrapped in a pen cuz I just can't even deal. Crack bun to the rescue.

    3. It makes my hair color look like the tits. (like big perky tits, not saggy bunny ear tits)

I am ridiculously anal about who touches my hair. Living in a new city I am basically the creep girl who literally stalks women with fantastic hair until I find an opening and can word vom, "ohmygoshi'mnewhereandloveyourhairwheredoyougetitdoneandwannabemyfriend?!" Despite my psychotic efforts I have yet to find a hairstylist I'm comfortable with here, therefore, my roots look like I'm channeling Shakira. SO not the look I'm going for. BUT the Crack Bun gives the glorious illusion that I am rocking the uber-trendy ombre style that I'm too chicken shit to actually try instead of the hips-don't-lie root exposure.

Crack Buns. Keeping dirtballs fashionable since 2012. 




4 comments:

  1. BAHAHAHAHA, yet again, I'm lol'ing...literally!
    Now, I'm going to need you to do a tutorial on how to crack bun...because I can't get it done to save my life. My hair goes as long as 5 days, thank God for non-oily hair, and it's either down or in a ponytail...I need crackbun in my life

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  2. Omg I just found this via Twitter and I am dying! This is just too accurate of a description and I completely agree :)

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  3. Dude- how do you make your crack bun look so good? This does not appear to be stuffed with a sock.

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    1. No sock buns here. I just put my hair up in a high pony then wrap my hair around the holder at the base of my head. Its gonna be super sticky uppie, so then I sorta rotate and loosen the hair wrap until it sits at the base of my head. Then I bobby the end piece in place and start to try to just shift the the hair around so its round all the way to the back. I dunno. Sometimes it turns out killer other times it turns out looking like sheet. Once I get it rotated and sitting the way I like it I just bobby pin the heck out of it.

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