I am single.
I know, I know, its super hard to believe with my lady-like ways, superb hygiene, very clean speech, and slammin' hott bod that causes 1998 Suburbans to back it up, but its a true story.
Here's the deal. I'm pretty damn comfortable with being on my own - and not in the way we lie to ourselves at night while spooning the extra pillows - (I would not have been able to say that a couple years ago), but after a year and a half of nada, zip, zilch in the mans department I'm completely okay with it being just me, myself, and I. What I have come to realize is that everyone else seems to be a lot less comfortable with me free and on the prowl.
Why do I tell you this? I'm sure you're all thinking, "why does dis bish just get on here and cry bitch baby tears about her non-morning person, dirty crackbun wearin', no-man havin' ass?!" No, no, no I'm telling you this because the next person to tell me, "don't worry, it'll happen for you" is getting a chudo chop to the throat then a face full of my boobie mace.
With two sisters married within 9 months of each other, this seems to illicit all sorts of fun comments. While standing in a family photo (significant others included) one of my Aunts leaned over to me and whispered,
"You better find yourself a man Megan, you're the only one left in the family." I choked her with my thoughts.
Now, I realize that most people say these things out of "kindness" or their awkward social skills, but pointing out a woman's aloneness (made that up, go with it.) at a wedding is like telling a 9 month pregnant woman she looks like she's going to pop. You just don't do it. Unless you want your face clawed off.
I am well aware that I am here solo-dolo, but I'm THRILLED you felt the need to point it out.
These moments, coupled by the numerous times my girlfriends have had 3 glasses of pinot and decided it would be "SO fun" to make me a match.com, okcupid, youregoingtodiealone.com profile, are enough to make me start sending myself flowers and RSVPing my plus one only to claim he got called into work. All to just put the concerns at ease.
Listen, I know my family and friends just want me to be happy. I know they know how important it is to me to find that someone who compliments my weird and have big 'ole weird family. I know they do this out of love for me and I can appreciate their desire to see my settled, but I also know that I'm really happy with my life and I'm more than okay with waiting for my weirdo.