Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Beyonce is the Only One Who Understands Me.

This statement is going to shock you all.
I am single. 
I know, I know, its super hard to believe with my lady-like ways, superb hygiene, very clean speech, and slammin' hott bod that causes 1998 Suburbans to back it up, but its a true story.

Here's the deal. I'm pretty damn comfortable with being on my own - and not in the way we lie to ourselves at night while spooning the extra pillows - (I would not have been able to say that a couple years ago), but after a year and a half of nada, zip, zilch in the mans department I'm completely okay with it being just me, myself, and I. What I have come to realize is that everyone else seems to be a lot less comfortable with me free and on the prowl.

Why do I tell you this? I'm sure you're all thinking, "why does dis bish just get on here and cry bitch baby tears about her non-morning person, dirty crackbun wearin', no-man havin' ass?!" No, no, no I'm telling you this because the next person to tell me, "don't worry, it'll happen for you" is getting a chudo chop to the throat then a face full of my boobie mace.

With two sisters married within 9 months of each other, this seems to illicit all sorts of fun comments. While standing in a family photo (significant others included) one of my Aunts leaned over to me and whispered,
"You better find yourself a man Megan, you're the only one left in the family." I choked her with my thoughts.

Now, I realize that most people say these things out of "kindness" or their awkward social skills, but pointing out a woman's aloneness (made that up, go with it.) at a wedding is like telling a 9 month pregnant woman she looks like she's going to pop. You just don't do it. Unless you want your face clawed off. 

I am well aware that I am here solo-dolo, but I'm THRILLED you felt the need to point it out. 

These moments, coupled by the numerous times my girlfriends have had 3 glasses of pinot and decided it would be "SO fun" to make me a match.com, okcupid, youregoingtodiealone.com profile, are enough to make me start sending myself flowers and RSVPing my plus one only to claim he got called into work. All to just put the concerns at ease.

Listen, I know my family and friends just want me to be happy. I know they know how important it is to me to find that someone who compliments my weird and have big 'ole weird family. I know they do this out of love for me and I can appreciate their desire to see my settled, but I also know that I'm really happy with my life and I'm more than okay with waiting for my weirdo.


  1. You and me both, girl! I am more content than I have ever been! I definitely didn't think I would be 25 and single...But I have never been happier!

  2. hahah this post is hilarious! I love it. Thanks for making me laugh today. I just found your adorable blog through the giveaway! I am excited to be your newest follower :) Would love for you to stop by sometime and follow along if you'd like.


  3. Girl you are preaching to the choir with this one! I'm 23 and you would think I was 40 the way my family treats me like I'm going to be a single spinster. I'm happy and have no fear that my time will come but I don't need my family acting like there's something wrong! You can chudo chop/mase them for me ;)

  4. You crack me up!!!! I'm about to do a very personal post, and I hope to channel some of your fun, in your face energy!!! Not quite sure what my approach will be.. It's in the works!! Stop by countingourcupcakes.blogspot.com

    I found your blog through Life After...

  5. love your blog! Thank you for sharing this, it was super funny but super true.

    I am now following your blog check mine out :)