Monday, October 22, 2012

Irish Victories with a Side of Psychokilla

Hellllllooooooo Monday! This weekend was just what the doctah ordered. I spent 99% of it in my sweats and the grungiest, loosest t-shirt I have watching trashy television and basking in my all-around laziness. 

Remember when I said I was going to spend Friday night finishing my bottle of wine? Welllll....I may or may not have waited until Saturday and had my on own personal living room tailgate before the Notre Dame game. And by may or may not, I mean I did. And it was the tits. 

I'm not sure I've mentioned to you my complete and utter obsession with Notre Dame Football. To say I'm fanatical would be an understatement. I spent some of the best years of my life at Saint Mary's College and got to play Water Polo for the Irish. The ND/SMC family is my heart song. Oh I drank the kool-aid friends, I chugged that shit.

Not a single one of the douchelords I've dated in the past, oh I dunno, 26 years have resulted in the amount of heartache I have known through my love of the Irish. They have ripped my heart out of my chest then recruited a 10 ton jungle beast to use it as a trampoline. Everyone loooooves to hate ND and these past few years we have given them reason to talk all sorts of ish. But, BUT not this year. This year we are currently 7-0 ranked no. 5 in the COUNTRY and our defense makes QB's pee in their jockstraps (too graphic? sorry...sorta.). 

Saturday though, while sparing you the details, my sweet sweet Irish tried to revert back to their old ways and effing kill me. My neighbors FOR SURE think I'm certifiable. I was screaming to the high friggin' heavens, jumping up and down on my couch, cussing like a sailor and trucker made love, and just being an all around psychopathic killer. We ended up winning. I'm a bit dramatic. 

Speaking of psychopathic killers. Let.Me.Tell.You. about how some bat-shit crazy crackhead killa attacked my car last night as I was stopped at a stoplight. Holy shit balls I have never been so scared in my life. Like didn't sleep last night because I thought he had superpowers of lightening fast running and followed me home, then made himself invisible and snuck through my door and was waiting for me under my bed and once I relaxed he was going to murder me then snort crack of my dead body (can you snort crack? see. this shit is out of my league). 

Needless to say I bought this bad boy at like 6 this morning. 

 No freakshow killers are gonna snatch me up. I will blind them with my death spray that also saves the ta-tas.

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