FreakShow Friday

Who wants to bail from work early and start day drinking with me??? Its Friday, I figure leaving work halfway through the day to booze your face off til you forget what its like to be a contributing member of society is totally acceptable.

We're waltzing our fancy asses right into the second edition of FreakShow Friday. I have a few gems for you guys.

-  First of all, the demon critter. Yeah. That muthaeffah made another grand appearance at 5 AM!! I had to put My Best Friend's Wedding on my laptop, turn on my lamp and spoon my baseball bat just to chill out enough to fall back into a half-sleep for the last hourish of slumber I had left. This critter is a straight dildobag. Waking someone up an hour before their alarm is a cruel effing joke. I blame my second cup o' joe on that scum-vermin.

-  Driving back into the city after work each day, let me tell you guys, I've seen some things. Yesterday there was an old man walking up and down the median dressed as a jesus-wizard (long white beard, cape-like garb, staff with a cross) screaming about lawd knows what.

Listen Gandolf. I love Jesus. I live in the Midwest so I'm gonna bet the cars in front of and behind me love Jesus. AND I highly doubt your staff-wielding preach fest is going to convert the .04 people in this traffic jam that don't. You're freaking me out man. Don't make me mace yo ass.

-   I have a sushi girl date tonight. My friend Shanel invited me out to meet some of her GF's and make some more connects here in my new home.Here's the deal. I friggin' love sushi. Like, I want to run slow-mo through a field of spicy tuna rolls then smear some eel sauce all over my face.

 BUT, I have trouble eating sushi with people I just met because....please try to not unfollow my blog after I tell you this....I have a severe phobia of unfinished wood. Yes, you read that right. I hyperventilate, panic attack, straight cry like you drop-kicked my nephew wig out if I touch, grab, rub, bite unfinished wood. We can go into the big long explanation of this in another post, but the point is I can't use the muthaeffin' chopsticks and basically have to avoid eye contact with anyone dragging them out of their mouths (I'm gagging just thinking about this). This just tends to lead to me either awkwardly trying to eat sushi with a fork - ever tried that shit? Not fun. - or eating with my fingers, which strangers tend not to appreciate. I'm having total social anxiety over this. These new chicks are gonna be all, "who invited the gross finger eating girl to the party?" I'm a FreakShow and these females are about to get a front row seat.


Thats all I got on my side of FreakShow Friday/embarrassing confessions of my ludicrous fears. You guys have any kernels of debauchery to share?