My Very Adult Weekend...NOT

I think I'm still hungover. I didn't drink yesterday, but I ate an inappropriate amount of Chinese food and I'm convinced they lace that shit with something. I got all hopped up on Lo-Mein noodles and the sexyass men from Revenge. I'm feeling the pain this AM.

This weekend consisted of me drinking too much and laying in the fetal position on my couch as a result.

Friday night my boolover Shanel had me over for a healthy girls night dinner which I quickly negated by eating the entire bag of tortilla chips she made the mistake of putting within arms reach of me. We then proceeded to drink 3 bottles of wine.

Because I'm such a winner I ended up talking through the ENTIRE Netflix movie she wanted to watch and taking selfies on her balcony.

I was all ANTM up in the bitch. You couldn't have told me otherwise.

I woke up on Saturday with every intention of going for a run and buying a house plant - you know, some grown-up shit. But since I felt like I had been bludgeoned by Carrie Underwood circa "Before He Cheats", I opted for a 2 1/2 hour nap and didn't shower until I was forced to at 5PM, so I wouldn't look like the homeless guy who slept in my foyer when meeting up with friends for the ND game.

I proceeded to drink enough beer to knock out an elephant and slept until Noon on Sunday. Productive member of the adult community over here!

I have also come to realize that I may have to go to crack bun rehab. In two separate FaceTime conversations both my mom and my sister told me I looked "fancy" because my hair was down. Please note that it was NOT washed, just down.

If you need me tonight I'll be spending 328420384203 hours on the treadmill trying to run the weekend off of me. I'll be sure to whine to you all about it tomorrow.