Freak A Leak

Welp. Last day as a blonde for a while. I'm nervous and excited all at the same time. I know its an easy fix if it looks like balls, but I don't think you guys get how incredibly particular I am about my hair. Pray for me.   Remember how in last week's FreakShow Friday I told you I wasn't the girl cowering in the corner trying to pull my regular bra out of my sports bar in the gym locker room? Well yesterday I walk into the locker room to find three women on their hands and knees praying. I'm not sure what religion they were, but I'm pretty sure if I was trying to get some prayers in I wouldn't want a bunch of hoo-has and chi-chis all in my face. Who can talk to Jesus/Allah/God with a couple of fun-bags in their face?! Thats just distracting. I changed in the bathroom. It was the least I could do.   In this episode of FreakShow Friday lets talk about how living alone has essentially brought out bizarre behaviors that will make it difficult for anyone else to ever live with me. No, not single-behavior that is still sorta fabulous circa Carrie Bradshaw's "I read vogues standing up in my kitchen eating Chinese takeout". I'm talking full-blown ice capade routines around my dining room.

• Sometimes on Sundays I will go a whole day without talking to anyone. That means I will go an entire day without hearing the sound of my voice. To remedy this it is only completely normal for me to start making random noises or converse with my television just to fill the non-talking void. Most times its in an accent I wish I had i.e. Boston, Irish, Australian. Bring on the anti-psychotics

• I have secret aspirations to be a Krump dancer. Like, I want to be able to pop, lock, & drop it. Turns out I'm a super awkward human and me dancing Krump looks like the demon critter crawled in my pants and started doing Zumba. Regardless, I tend to make up entire Krump routines in front of my bathroom mirror. This would undoubtedly blind anyone who walked in on it. 

• I drink in the shower. No, not enjoying a glass of wine while soaking in the tub like a normal person. Like drinking wine/beer/dir-tay tinis while standing my ass up in the shower. I think some cultures call this alcoholism. I call it mulit-tasking.

• And here's the big Kahuna. The one that will require all your might not to judge me for. The one that no man nor roommate would ever put up with...I watch Love & Hip Hop marathons on VH1. Ultimate. Ghetto. Shame. 

I know these seem fairly timid. Nothing too mortifying to share on the Internets, but I'm sober so my guards are up. Put a couple bevies in my system and then we'll see what I reveal!

What weird shit do you guys do when home alone? I know you are a bunch o' freaky bishes.