After my Thanksgiving travel cluster-eff I figured I had built up enough good travel karma to make it back to the Mitten without any hitches this Holiday season.
I should've slapped myself for ever thinking this.
I have the WORST travel jinx in all the lands.
After I got into the whore land that is O'Hare about an hour and half late I turned my phone on to a voicemail that my flight to Michigan had been cancelled. Effffffff.
After mall walking to the customer service line I quickly discovered that a flight outta chi-city just wasn't going to happen. Soooo I hauled ass out of the airport and hopped on the "L" to get downtown to Union station and catch an Amtrak home.
Enter FreakShow Friday.
I saw some things on this public transit ride that no one should see. NO ONE.
First and foremost it should be known that homeless people who are mentally ill really freak me out. Call me ignorant, call me an asshole, but the unpredictability terrifies me.
So, with that knowledge in mind, imagine my horror when I get on that rickety ass train and find that I am ALONE in the car with a homeless woman who is having a full blown conversation with a man named Dennis. I want to reiterate that I was ALONE with this woman. No Dennis to be found. But don't worry, we were just gonna chat with him anyways. I was petrified.
Well, eventually the train filled up with other travelers and that was when the real party started. I ended up sitting next to a 20-something girl who had a pimp cane and was wearing her pink sparkly aviators despite the fact that it was not only already dark outside, but we were, in fact, underground. Not gonna lie, I totally thought she was someone famous at first. *insert eyeroll*
Now if we skim over the hipster who stood FACING me with his fly down for 20 minutes, the girl who was having a full-fledge screaming match with her boyfriend on a cell phone complete with ugly crying, and the woman who spent at least 10 minutes trying out different apparatuses she could find in her purse to assist her in scratching her weave...
...the real FreakShow finally for me was homeboy who thought he was going to get discovered by P.Diddy on this godforesaken train.
I kid you not, for a full half hour this dude stood facing the doors of the train rapping nonsense into the glass while using a single knuckle to create a "beat". Now, I like rap music. I have full appreciation for a good beat, clever rhymes, and a ridiculous diamond chain, but this. THIS. Made my ears bleed. Basically all he did was say "bitchass hoes and bad muthaf@#!ers, making this paper" with A LOT of n-bombs sprinkled in between.
He was incessant. I don't even think homie came up for air.
It was a nonstop accost on my eardrums.
What in that name of all that is pleasant did this man think was going to come of this performance? That someone was going to video it on their phones and he was going to become a World Star Hip Hope phenom? Um. No. All he was doing was making a lot of people in a small space angry.
Now that just sounds dangerous to me.
The worst part was that he had a friend who just stood there with him bobbing his head to the ridiculousness acting like his buddy was the next Jay-Z.
I will not be listening to rap for many moons. Not until I can forget that monstrosity.