Thursday, December 13, 2012

All I Didn't Want For Christmas

I don't understand how its not Friday. Its literally causing rage to bubble up inside of me. This week feels like a cruel joke and every morning when I wake up with that quick fleeting hope that I can throw on some jeans for work the Universe is like, "SIKE". 

"I keep thinking today is Tuesday" = me.

So I made a quick mention to Batman Forever the other day and that, coupled with my recent shopping excursion to find my nephew a Christmas gift, got me thinking about inappropriate gifts you can give to people. 

First of all - you have to be wondering what dafuq Batman Forever has to do with inappropriate gift giving. Well, its inappropriate when your NANA gives it to you and your 2 sisters when every single one of us was under the age of 12. First of all, we're all girls - did she really think we would be doing cartwheels in the living room over a Batman movie? I mean c'mon! We were still making up dances to the Chipettes' version of "Leader of the Pack"! AND that part where Nicole Kidman is basically whoring herself out to Val Kilmer on a roof? She's all, "I love rubber and I'm an open book you can read." Umm...really Nana? I feel uncomfortable.

Now lets move over to what I wanted to get my nephew for Christmas...

Yeop. I was ready to have this dude picking up chicks all over the 'hood. Too bad he's 15 months old. Turns out you can't stick a one year old in a self-operated motorized vehicle without someone calling Child Protective Services. I was gonna get him a helmet too for pete's sake! I'm not completely irresponsible. I had to settle for this pimp mobile instead. He'll be getting his cruise on Flinstone style.
Last but not least lets discuss the time I pulled my boss's boss in the office Secret Santa. Why? Whyyyyyy??? What the hell do you get  ridiculously wealthy man who has entirely too much power over not only the trajectory of your career, but that of your boss's as well. Efffffff. So what was the only logical thing that came to my mind? Two words. Motorized. Helicopter. 
Can I please tell you the look on this man's face when he opened up a toy from one of his employees? It was mix of confusion, discomfort, and hidden jubilation. The awkward silence at the lunch table was palpable. 
I think I might just take on the role of the most inappropriate gift giver in my family/social circle. Make it my thing. What do you guys think? 


  1. lmao I watched Batman really young too and was weirded out lol...I think that helicopter is cool and if I was rich out the ying yang I would enjoy it

  2. Oh, gosh, my husband loves his motorized helicopter so much that he talked other guys at work into buying them, too! And when it's warmer, you better believe they are outside flying them on their lunch breaks! I would give you props for that present. :)